


Post-Chimerization

by zavegonzo



Series: Random Ficlets [5]
Category: Cognitive Dissonance - Fandom, MOTHER: Cognitive Dissonance
Genre: 5+1 Things, Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Angst, Body Dysphoria, Body Horror, Cyborgs, Dysphoria, Fangame: Mother: Cognitive Dissonance, Hurt with very very little Comfort, I Dislike Comments, Non-Consensual Body Modification, Please Do Not Comment
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-27
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-27 20:22:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20413753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zavegonzo/pseuds/zavegonzo
Summary: Five times Alinivar is disgusted with his body... and one where he isn'tquiteas disgusted.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This world needs more angsty chimera Alinivar fanfiction!  
This is split up into six chapters because I'm a slow writer :P

To sum it up short, Alinivar had screwed up. He had screwed up _badly_, to the point where his life would never be the same.

He had thought it was a healing pod. In his fatigue and worry, he had overlooked the frankly obvious sign stating, “DANGER! Chimerization Pod.”

The others had noticed it, and when he entered, they were all screaming at him to get out, but it was too late. The three of them—Colonel Saturn, Zarbol, and Niiue—could do nothing but cringe at the sounds of drills, skin being torn apart, weird splatters, and the occasional stifled scream from Alinivar.

He came out of the pod woozy and half-conscious. Splotches of black and green covered his now-metallic belly. His mechanized center eye strobed green and red like a malfunctioning stop light. Reluctantly, Niiue helped him slowly shuffle to a nearby hyberpod.

The walk back to the spaceship was uncomfortably long for the unmechanized trio, but for Alinivar it passed by in a blur. He was… not high, but something from the chimerization was definitely impairing his ability to think.

That impairment wore off the second Alinivar made eye contact with Elmadan. The purple Mook was standing on the ramp of the ship, waving. Well, he was until he spotted Alinivar, at which point he cringed, tentacles coiling up in horror, and dashed back inside.

Alinivar blinked, suddenly becoming lucid and very, _very_ aware of his situation. He took just a moment to gawk at his body, a haphazard mix of flesh and steel.

Then, he entered the ship.

To say that the others aboard didn’t react well would be an understatement. They all collectively cringed, some in horror (Elmadan again, as well as Malik), some in bewilderment (Dr. Saturn and the shopkeep), and some in sympathy (The Starmen who were already working on fixing Larice).

Zarbol quietly went to the control panel and set course for the next Apple piece.

Alinivar turned away from everyone and entered a hyberpod.

He didn’t sleep. Instead, he brought a smooth, unnaturally cold tentacle to his face. As a cold-blooded animal, Alinivar thought he knew what the cold felt like, but this was unlike any cold he had felt before. This cold was part of his body.

It was strange. Although his tentacles and tendrils were frigid, there was some sort of warmth emanating from his core. As soon as he noticed it, fans activated inside of him, keeping him from overheating.

If Alinivar had a stomach and contents in said stomach, he would have vomited. But he had neither, so he just pressed his face against the floor of the hyberpod.

He would cope when he woke up, though he wished to sleep forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When you're hiding on an alien planet to find a super-important artifact and save the world, you would think that you wouldn't have time for dysphoria, right?

The full moon shone upon Alinivar’s tears.

He was curled up in an empty, dilapidated room. He couldn’t sleep, despite it being so late. Shaky breaths came through his gritted teeth. His upper eyes were shut tight while his lidless center eye was staring up through the window.

The moon was so beautiful, and he was so ugly. He couldn’t stop crying. The more he cried, the more he heated up, and the more the fans inside him blew, which made him even sadder and angrier and he was _going to have to spend the rest of his life like this because he was such a fucking idiot—_

He let out a frustrated growl that sounded more like white noise and forced himself up. He stared with two stinging eyes and one camera at the floorboards. He could see every little notch and crook in them, every little grain and detail that his upper eyes couldn’t see, but his optic could perfectly.

A tiny little bug crawled from between two floorboards, unaware of the blue cyborg above it.

He stared at it.

He wished he could be just a carefree bug, without any sense of the horrors the world had to offer. Biting his lip so hard that he bled, he smacked the bug, spilling its tiny green guts—the same color as a Mook’s blood—upon the wood. Warmth trickled down Alinivar’s chin as the black liquid that had replaced his blood flowed from his mouth. It burned slightly. He didn’t care.

A knock came from the door. Alinivar gasped and turned around. The knob jostled, but thankfully, he had locked the door. Whoever was at the door knocked a few more times, and then pounded. Alinivar silently waited for them to stop.

Silence, followed by a voice. “Are you there, Alinivar?”

Alinivar shut his lips tight. He wiped off the oil on his face with a trembling tentacle and unlocked the door.

The person on the other side opened it.

“Hey… Niiue,” said Alinivar meekly, eyes drooping.

“What are you doing?” Niiue asked, his brow curled up in concern. “I heard sobs. Wait, are… Are you bleeding?”

Alinivar’s jaw clenched shut. Oil was still spurting from his lip.

“What the fuck does it look like?” he snapped, shutting his upper eyes tight.

Niiue stepped back a bit. “Um… Alinivar, you need to get some rest. It’s late.” His tail gently swooshed behind him.

“Rest…” Alinivar stared at Niiue. He stood up straight, frowning.

Honestly, he was really starting to get tired. But he was more angry than he was tired. “I don’t need rest. I need to get out of this fucking thing.” He slapped his torso with his tentacles, creating a loud bang. “I need a normal body. I need to just be able to look at myself without feeling like I need to puke, but I’m so _broken_ I can’t even do that, and I _just want to be fucking normal!_” He approached Niiue. More tears spilled from his eyes. “_I want to be normal!_”

Without even thinking, Alinivar grabbed Niiue and hugged him. He felt so warm, his fur pressing into Alinivar’s cold tentacles. His tail stood up high, but slowly he relaxed.

Niiue patted Alinivar’s head.

“It’s OK, it’s OK…” he whispered. “We’ll… find a way to fix you… eventually.”

_Eventually._

Alinivar could tell that Niiue wasn’t being honest. There wasn’t a chance in hell he would be getting out of this gross body any time soon, not when there were so many more important things to focus on.

But still, he nodded, and he let Niiue go. “I’m still gonna sleep in here, if that’s OK…”

“Of course,” said Niiue. He gently closed the door.

Alinivar stared at the door for a couple seconds. He locked it, sat on the floor, and cried again.


End file.
